I was so confused. According to multiple Christian songs, movies, books etc. all you have to do is kneel down and pray and all of your problems will be solved. Your life will effortlessly transform into the unrealistic standard you hold yourself up to.
Healing rarely happens overnight. Especially when we've been deeply wounded and we are stuck in a pattern of wrong thinking.
I constantly have little revelations and more understanding of situations that leave me deep in thought for days.
If we had one big revelation regarding all of our wrong thinking, wounds and denial, we would be overwhelmed.
We heal at different paces because God knows exactly how much we can handle and exactly when we can handle it. When we have a lot of healing to do, we get one piece at a time to chew and digest, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Some things are easier to forgive, heal and learn from and some things aren't. Sometimes it can take years to heal from something traumatic. We just need to patient with ourselves. Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses.
Be persistent in your prayer. Even when it is hard and you feel like giving up. When you're in the middle of something, we often can't see how the Lord could possibly be moving and working in the situation. But He will show us how and why. Probably not right away, but in His perfect time, He will.
I know life can be excruciatingly painful, but it is in the difficult times that we often come closest to God and our endurance will grow.
I went through a few really painful years. Looking back, I can see that those years were crucial for my emotional and spiritual development. It was a long, slow, painful journey of healing. In fact I'm still healing. I don't know if I will ever be 100% healed. I will probably carry that cross my entire life. The difference is I'm stronger now and have more spiritual tools when my cross is heavy and I become weary.
I look back with a thankful heart. I wouldn't be who I am if not for those years. I pray that I never have to go back to that emotional and spiritual state, but I see a little piece of the outcome and know it was all completely worth it.
I remember feeling so hopeless, crying myself to sleep every night. For everyone who is there, I want you to know that I'm praying for you. Don't give up, because all of this will be worth it in the end. Just don't give up.
I love you all!
Quick disclaimer: I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to christian music or read christian novels. Music and books can be wonderful healing tools. In my particular case, however, there were numerous songs, books and movies portraying that healing is instant and you'll never struggle with your problems again. Which is far from true and was very confusing to me.