Thursday, July 28, 2016

You Are Captivating

Underneath all that makeup, forced smile and personality that isn't truly your own, is something beautiful, treasured, captivating and desired.

When you are hurt you have a choice, you can lay the pain before God and let Him help you, heal you, hold you, comfort you and treasure you. Or you can believe the lie that you just aren't enough and it is all your fault. You can cover up who God made you with an insincere smile, dyed hair, layers of makeup, just hoping people will see past your "flaws"; worrying that if they knew who you really are, you'd be disdained.

Covering up the pain and hiding who you are is only going to bring devestation to your heart. 

Turning to God in vulnerability is scary, I know! How many times have you trusted someone and they let you down? Too many. But God won't let you down. He weeps when you burry yourself, hiding and ashamed of who He made you. He knows you better than anyone. He loves you like no other and He has already showed you a deeper love than you could ever dream of. 

All you have to do is bring your broken heart before God. Despite what the world tells us, it is the most beautiful and brave thing you can do. Exposing your wounds and uncovering your unique beauty that you have spent so long trying to hide and destroy takes a great amount of courage, but you are strong enough

You know when you see a woman who has the ideal figure with perfect skin, long blonde hair and the sexiest clothes. Feeling jealous of her outward beauty, feeling insecure and comparing yourself to her. But when she opens her mouth and you hear the cold, lifeless and cruel words coming from her lips. All of the sudden she doesn't look very pretty anymore. 

When you see a woman who doesn't have flawless skin or the cutest clothes or perfect figure, but speaks words of life and love. Her smile is infectious, her joy is contagious and she sincerely cares. Her heart is beautiful and suddenly you don't even see her "flaws". 

Which woman would you rather be? 

We are much too critical of ourselves. We have to remember you will never look into a persons eyes which God does not love and that includes you.

I was challenged to look in the mirror for two minutes every day and look at myself the way God sees me. This was so painful and was almost unbearable. So I put my own twist on it. When I would lay down at night, I would ask God to help me prepare my heart for what He is going to teach me next. Slowly God began showing me how much He loves me. Now I'm able to look at myself in the mirror without being completely disappointed and repulsed by what my reflection shows. I know now that my reflection only shows my physical appearance. My reflection doesn't show the condition of my heart and that is what matters. When I look to God and delight in Him, suddenly my reflection isn't so important. 

Ladies, God made each and every one of you beautiful and I pray that you can see that. 

God Bless! 
Megan Marie

P.S. You are enough. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

My Beautiful Mess of a Story

I have been deeply wounded. I am a very sensitive person. I was physically very sick with autoimmune diseases and due to emotional abuse, past trauma and some family problems, I coped by finding something to control. Anorexia took over my life and quickly destroyed myself. 

The more I tried to control food, people around me and my environment the more out of control I felt. I cried myself to sleep every night. I was so unhappy, broken hearted and confused. I was afraid and felt abandoned, very often hopeless.

I was disgusted with myself and couldn't think of a reason in the world why God would love me. I just wasn't enough. 

Through it all I still prayed daily and went to Mass, but the joy was missing. This went on for about two and a half years. 

One day I came across a blog: Made in His Image. The eating disorder and abuse testimonies were so hard for me to read because I related so deeply to many of these young women's pain. I was still in denial regarding my eating disorder, though. 

One day I was in the kitchen and my mom was in the living room and I just started crying, my heart was so wounded and hurting so deeply, I said to my mom, "Mom, I think I might be anorexic." I had no idea where these words came from. I was in shock. It had never even occurred to me that I was anorexic. I believe now that the Holy Spirit spoke through me to myself and my mom that day. 

Even though I did not like the idea of having anorexia, it made sense. I thought food was how I was "fixing" the problem, not a way of coping for a bigger and deeper hurting in my heart. I was not excited about going to therapy and having to gain weight, but I honestly came to the point where I was so sad and depressed I was willing to try. 

I started going to counseling when I was sixteen years old. One of the scariest things I have ever experienced, but also one of the most beautiful. 

My counselor has been such a beautiful blessing in my life. With time God helped me heal and gain weight through her.

I have an analogy to help describe what happened in my heart:

Picture a conflagration. Everything is burned to the ground, you are left with nothing. Flowers, trees, house, everything... gone. 

In total devastation, a rain shower comes. Slowly one little flower pops up and starts to grow. Brighter, stronger and prettier than before the fire; bringing hope. Soon many more flowers follow and before you know if the field is covered with flowers! 

Well, that is what happened in my heart. There was a fire which stripped me of everything, left me devastated and with nothing. Then, in total brokenness, the Lord said to me, "You are enough." Slowly flowers started to grow and bring hope and joy back to my life. 

Fulton Sheen said, "Broken things are precious. We eat broken bread because we share in the depth of our Lord and His broken life. Broken flowers give perfume. Broken incense is used in adoration. A broken ship saved Paul and many other passengers on their way to Rome. Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them." This quote has helped me to see my story as beautiful and purposeful. I realize now that God has loved me through it all. 

Megan Marie

Friday, July 15, 2016

Some Thoughts on Prayer

There are so many different ways to pray and thankfully no matter where I am or what season of life I am in, I can always find a form of prayer that speaks to me personally. The same is true for you too.

Here are two things I learned regarding prayer that I want to share today:

God always answers our prayers. The thing is, He doesn't always answer "Yes". The Lord has three answers: yes, no and not yet. Did you think the third answer was maybe? :p

The other thing I want to mention is that we don't pray hoping God will hear us, He is always listening; we should, however, pray hoping we will hear God.  

Both of these things gave me a whole new outlook on prayer and have been a blessing to me and my prayer life, I hope they are to you too. 

God Bless,
Megan Marie

P.S. Thursday (7/14) marks the first day of the National Novena for Peace. Even if you missed Thursday and Friday you can still join in for the last seven days. ;)

P.P.S. What kind of prayer is speaking to you at this point in your life? 

Picture Credit

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Oh the Beauty of a Child's Heart

I was meditating on Matthew 18:3 "In truth I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven."

As a child I don't remember doubting my worth. I knew I was a child of God and I knew He loved me. 

The world was so beautiful. I absolutely loved people, I could see past people's insecurities and "flaws". It was as if I could see straight into their heart. I never felt the need to condemn others, just love them for who they are and love them right where they are at. 

Then... I entered my tween/teen years and everything changed. 

My self esteem dropped because I started questioning my worth. Was I loved? Was I worth it? I constantly tried to prove myself to my friends, family and even people I didn't know. I was always self conscious and questioning if I was beautiful.

Do you see the connection? As a result of not looking to God to satisfy my heart, I became insecure because in Him is my security.

Now I am beginning to see how beautiful the heart of a child is and I'm working on reclaiming that heart in my life by:

  • Spending more time in prayer and deepening my relationship with God. Asking Him to show me things through His eyes, rather than my worldly, distorted and clouded perspective due to my sins.
  • Remembering that I will never look at a person whom God does not love. 

We have so much to learn from each other, especially children... 

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Flower Therapy

On Thursday I went to a little garden in town. The combination of a warm sunny day, and colorful flowers always seems to brighten my day. 

The Lord knows how much I appreciate and admire flowers and all the beautiful colors and sizes. 

My heart is thankful that I had the opportunity to walk through the garden and appreciate the lovely flowers. 

I am no photographer, but it is still fun to snap a few pictures on my phone. 

Flowers make me feel refreshed and inspired. They are free therapy. ;)

Flowers remind me of Gods loving and soft side. Too often I think we view God as a judging God (which He is), but we forget about His tenderness, His mercy and His deep love for each and every person.

Just looking at these flowers again as I'm writing this post is so relaxing and refreshing. With all of the shootings and violence in the world right now; flowers give me hope. Even though I feel like things are out of control, I'm reminded that God is in control. He has a plan and even though I can't see what that is, I choose to trust in Him. 

Prayer is the best spiritual weapon and I hope you'll all join me in praying for peace today and everyday.

Praying you all have a restful and refreshing sabbath. 

Megan Marie

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Mary Never Left His Side

I was meditating on Jesus' Passion and how Mary was with Him every step of the way. She never left her son's side. 

When a child is physically and/or mentally suffering and their is nothing the child's mother can do... but watch; I don't know about you, but as the child it only makes it harder. You can feel your mothers heart breaking. You can feel her agony which far surpasses the pain you are actually feeling. 

Jesus, was so vulnerable, embarrassed, naked, nailed to the cross. His blood was spilling for us. The weight of our sins was on His shoulders. Jesus' crown of thorns, causing blood to drip down His face and into His eyes; He blinked so He could see clearly for a moment before His eyes filled with blood again. He looked at His mother. He could see her heart being pierced as a result of His pain. The unbearable pain of His Passion suddenly became so small compared to the way His heart ached as He saw His mother's bitter tears as she watched her innocent baby boy, brutally killed...

Let's pray together: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.