Monday, November 28, 2016

Letting Go

I have a really hard time with change. When life is changing and I dont have control over a situations outcome, it can be a little scary. What I do have control of, however, is how I react to the situations in my life.

I heard a really beautiful quote about how the trees show us how beautiful it is to let dead things go. There are so many things that I hung onto way longer than necessary, to the point where I was allowing those things to hurt me and my relationship with the Lord. The Lord had all of these beautiful things He wanted to bless me with, but I couldn't receive His gifts until I let go of the dead things in order to make room for the life-giving gifts He prepared for me. Too many times I have frantically done everything to hold onto someone/place/thing because it became my idol. I chose something unsteady which couldn't provide what I needed and I was left heart broken and devastated when it failed me. Jesus needs to be my rock. He is the only one that can hold this broken heart of mine.

I was talking with a very sweet, young lady and dear friend and I was just expressing how much my heart is breaking right now. As I was talking with her (...and crying... in the library), she said some really beautiful things and the Lord revealed some much needed truths to my heart.

This season of my life has been very hard for me, but I know that God has a beautiful purpose for these struggles in my life. One of my favorite songs Blessings has been such a beautiful gift. I want to praise God for the struggles and pain, because I have faith that He has a plan more beautiful, purposeful and intricate than I could ever dream of for this cross and my life.

I hope you all had a beautiful thanksgiving and happy Advent!

In Christ's Love,
Megan Marie

~Too often we ask for gifts, but forget to ask for the giver Himself. ~

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Learning to Love Myself

I hated almost everything about myself. I remember being repulsed by my reflection in the mirror. The very few things I did like about myself, like my freckles or the way the sun highlighted my hair, were far outweighed by the countless things I thought made me ugly.

Every time I would lose weight, the pain in my heart increased substantially. I felt mentally trapped. I felt suffocated. I kept thinking that if I just lose five more pounds I'll be happy... Every five pounds I lost, the more my heart ached and bled. I remember crying myself to sleep, just wanting to smile and be free. But, I believed that dream was impossible for me. So, hating myself became an addiction. I didn't want to love who I was because I thought I was disgusting. I would only "love" myself if I could completely change!

After counseling and a very long road to recovery, I sometimes forget about the pain and the heart ache. I will go through and read my old journals and suddenly remember just how deep the pain cut and how lonely and trapped I felt. I believed so many of the enemy's lies. All the while, God was whispering to my heart just how beautiful I was and just how much He loved me. It took a long time before I started to believe that I was beautiful, not just on the outside, but also on the inside. I'm still learning how to love myself. It is a long, hard road, but I know in my heart that God loves me and not only does my heart break when I choose to hate myself, but so does His.

We are just like flowers, all different shapes, sizes, and colors, but we are all beautiful because God made us and loves us so deeply.

Megan Marie

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